How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
