I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
