I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
