Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
