next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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