hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
