Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
