A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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