At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
