U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
