sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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