Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
