fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
