I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
