YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She said her name was "party"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
