WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
