Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
