They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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