You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
