I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
