We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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