I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
