god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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