so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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