So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
