Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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