well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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