Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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