he thought i was a dude.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
