Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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