he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
