my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
