Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
