why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
