U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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