Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
