I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
