I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
