I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
