Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
