It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
