he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
