90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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