dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
3pm strippers are depressing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
