i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
