I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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