fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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