dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
