The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
