I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
