I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
