How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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