you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I AM VODKA MAN
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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