the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
