i think my tv is drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
