You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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