I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's blow job season.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
