pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
