I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
