I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
