She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
