The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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