Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
