her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
