I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
