I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
