Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
