the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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