I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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