I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
