just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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