I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
time to smoke my breakfast
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
