He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
