there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
