Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
