Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
